I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
