i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
