Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
