Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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