I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
