When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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