4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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