I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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