Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
