I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
