i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
