shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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