Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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