My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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