I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
