i used baking grease as lip gloss
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
