Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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