she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
