So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
