I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
