ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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