I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Buhtt sex?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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