i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you mean i was at the winter classic?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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