Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
