Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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