Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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