how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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