My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
