yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
