Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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