Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You were trust falling into bushes
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
