I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
