it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
