There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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