My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize