I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
