I puked a lego.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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