I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just cropdusted the office
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
