Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
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