it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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