If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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