So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
