now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
