I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
