if you like me you must not know who I am
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We are all done wearing pants today
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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