If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
