I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
