well you can't waste a boner
where does the pee come out of this thing
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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