The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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