I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
