We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i barfeds in our rink
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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