HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
