dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
