You're my little dorito
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
