I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am midnight drunk by noon
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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