She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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