my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
