wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
