There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
