Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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