are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
