how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
