fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
